I’m glad I was there

I’m glad I was there,

Touching the hem of garments

Of those who went on to be Of Note,

Close but never quite enough to be

Perceived.

Perceived.

That word, spine tingling

In the way it calls to mind

Middle school PE and

Being last place.

The worst, basically.

*

The new place has its

Bedrooms downstairs.

It’s cheap and I thought

This would be fine.

The old tenants were also

A single mom and a daughter.

She was there, the daughter,

When we toured it and

Offered mine an Easter chocolate.

A gesture that would later be

Gleefully recounted to many.

“A sign,” I would think.

But it’s cavelike and I am

Cavelike already.

Closed and hunched and hiding.

A little too on the nose, really,

For me to be sleeping in there.

I get up every day and emerge

From the cave, mostly reluctantly,

And it’s symbolism.

“Did they also feel this way?,”

I sometimes wonder.

*

Before all of this, though,

I was there.

With a level of involvement

Just shy of commitment.

Phasing in and out like

An inter-dimensional being.

Maybe you glimpsed a flash

Of light and shadow

Before you became Of Note.

Remember that time you saw it?

It was me.

So Your Child Has Curly Hair

A quick and dirty guide about maintaining kids’ curly hair that I originally wrote for dad friends, who encouraged me to post it here. 😊

Is your kid crying and telling you that you’re torturing them whenever you brush their hair? Welcome to the wonderful world of having curly hair! You aren’t doing it wrong, it just sucks. But, with any luck, one day they will learn to embrace and rock their curls. Here’s some info on how to make it a little more tolerable for all of you while they’re still young and relying on your help. 

Detangling and brushing

Water spray bottle 

The only way to brush curly hair is when it is WET. Wet, wet, wet. Soaking wet, ideally. Never brush it when it’s dry unless you’re looking for a one-way ticket to Frizztown. To that end, a spray bottle of water during the detangling and brushing process is your friend. Use it liberally! 


Detangling sprays and creams

The appropriate amount of detangling product to use can be determined this way: Put it on until you feel certain that you’ve used too much, then add a bit more. You’re probably doing it right when you feel like you’re dedicating a whole line item in your budget to detangling products. 



Brushing technique

You probably already know this, but never brush tangled, curly from the root of the hair down to the ends. Instead, start at the bottom ends of the hair, where those pesky tangles are. Then work your way up towards the roots as the ends become detangled. 


Detangling combs

I wish that the Tangle Teezer had been invented in the 80s. It would have saved Little Heather from so many tears. These things really do work. We have about four in various sizes.

Wooden wide toothed combs are also great, because wood creates less static than plastic. 

Reducing friction 

Cutting down on frizz requires reducing friction. This comes into play at several points throughout the day: during drying, during brushing, and also during sleep at night. 

Drying hair with a microfiber towel

Microfiber towels are your friend. They create less friction than normal bath towels during the drying process and can really make a big difference. There are fancy ones by brands like DevaCurl, but really any microfiber hair towel will do.


Hair drying technique

Regardless of which type of towel you have available, don’t rub! Rubbing = friction, and friction is a curlyhead’s enemy. The word that you’ll hear a lot in the curly community is “scrunch.” In an absolute ideal world, you’re having your kid lean forward or sideways and then surrounding the curls with a microfiber cloth and scrunching it upwards. It’s more like blotting than rubbing. YouTube has some guides on this. This is the kind of motion that we’re going for, as a visual:



Blow drying with a diffuser

My own preferred method for drying curly hair is to air dry it, meaning using no heat at all. However, if you live in a cold area you may not have a choice and need to dry your child’s hair with a blowdryer before they leave the house. In those cases, you’ll want to use a diffuser attachment. These disperse the flow of air coming out of the blowdryer, cutting down on frizz. 


Sleeping on a satin pillowcase

Buying a satin pillowcase may seem a little extra, but it does help. Satin fabric reduces friction on hair during sleep versus cotton. It feels kind of fancy, too, which is fun.


Sleeping with a satin hair bonnet

If your child will tolerate wearing a satin hair bonnet at night, it’s such a game changer! Curls have less opportunity to get tangled up and frizzy during the night. If their hair is mostly detangled before they put on the bonnet at night, the morning will be much, much easier.

Regular maintenance 

Shampoo 

Normal shampoo for straight hair typically has a lot of drying ingredients in it that can wreak havoc on curly hair. Avoid any products that contain sulfates, in particular. Products specifically made for curly hair are ideal. Keywords you’re looking for are “moisturizing,” “hydrating,” etc… You may also see terms like “no-poo” to indicate that it’s sulfate-free. Products containing ingredients like shea butter and coconut oil are great.

Sidenote: Some curly hair evangelists suggest skipping shampoo altogether. However, any detangling and styling products that you use on the hair can create buildup and cause issues like dandruff. In my opinion, shampooing at least once weekly is necessary for a healthy scalp.


Conditioner

Again, you’re looking for the most moisture preservation possible. Some brands that I like: 


(OPTIONAL) Styling

For young kids, styling might be a little overboard, but if you want their hair to look extra-nice for a special occasion, there are some nice hydrating curly-kid products out there. Gels can be drying unless they’re specifically for curly hair. You’ll likely want something like a curling cream. 


Haircuts

Curly hair cuts

Depending on how old they are and the length of their hair, a standard kid’s haircut might be just fine. As they get older / as their hair gets longer, you may want to start going to a curly hair stylist specifically. Look for these terms when you’re searching for a curly stylist: Ouidad method, Devacut method. Also check for a portfolio of past curly haircuts that look healthy. Your local Yelp, Reddit, and Facebook neighborhood groups might have good tips for this, too. 


Troubleshooting 

My kid is screaming during hair brushing and calling me evil

Yes, that will happen. Hopefully some of the tips here will lessen that a bit! I had thick, curly hair and a mom who had no idea how to deal with it. Hairbrushing time was absolute torture and the bane of my existence consistently for about a decade. I still love her a lot! You’re doing OK. 


My kid doesn’t want to sit still during detangling and brushing

Every household has their limits and rules. Because my child is “tender-headed” and has very curly hair, I am OK with her watching a screen while I do her hair. I’m also not beyond a sweet treat bribe on days when we’re dealing with a major rat’s nest (see below for more on that). 


Oh no, I skipped a couple of days of detangling and now my kid has a big dreadlock / rat’s nest :( 

Yep! This can sneak up on you a lot faster than you’d think. Here are your two options: A) You can struggle for 10+ minutes to break apart a dense tangle while your kid squirms and yells at you, B) You can get out the scissors and just cut it out. I know which one I choose! One cool thing about curly hair is that it’s super forgiving with things like this. You’ll barely notice a missing chunk of hair, especially if their hair is thick.


My kid will only tolerate doing like half of these steps

You know what? Mine, too! This is all just an ideal scenario. Do what works best for your family.


I’m doing everything here consistently, but sometimes my kid’s hair is super frizzy and sometimes it looks perfect 

Yep! For one, humidity is a thing. Curls are super sensitive to environmental factors like humidity and heat. But, honestly? Sometimes the Curl Gods bless you and sometimes they just don’t. 


I did all of this, but my kid’s hair is still really tangled at the ends 

OK, this is a no-brainer, but it may just be time for a haircut! You’ll find it a lot easier to brush when those dead ends are gone.


I’ve heard about “curl types,” like 3B. What is that all about?

If you really want to fall down the curly hair rabbit hole, you can identify your child’s specific curl type, which can help you to dial in the products and methods that would work best for their hair even more precisely.